Faceless?

I'm not to sure what to write here today, i dont want every post to be depressing but im finding it hard not to be depressed, so maybe just an update for today while waiting for my spirits to pick up....

First of all i want to say a huge congratulations to kirstie and stu on the success of their documentary on bbc. Thanks to all of my friends that watched and an even bigger thanks to the 7 that signed the register that night :) We have had calls off of our friends and family saying they had no idea what cf entailed and i know kirsties aim was to raise awareness so i know how pleased she must be with the outcome.

After posting my last blog i received a lovely message from my good friend, we'll call her tracey for now as to not embarrass her. I wont go in to too much detail at what she said as it was quite personell but it was lovely to hear that she was starting to understand cf and how lonely it could be for me, knowing that my friends are willing to offer there time and support when they know i need it is so nice, it does take the loneliness away.

I feel since i have decided to put my life out in the open i will be more accepted for me, friends and family will understand if i let them down last minute and know its nothing personnel. I would always worry people would think of me as a let down or not a good friend for missing events, i am (believe it or not) quite a shy insecure person always worry what people think of me, i guess this steamed from being bullied at school, made to feel my cf was something to be ashamed of, something that made me different in a bad way, like i wasn't good enough to be friends with.
I have never in all the years since leaving that school and those people got over the fact that my cf made my life hell, or the fact they made it hell because of my cf. They will never know that their words of negativity have made such an impact on my life, how the cruel words that were spoken in such haste have made me the way i am today, shy embarrest, ashamed, hiding away from the world in the times of most need, making the loneliness and solitude worse for myself through fear of the repercussions of being 'the sick one'

Some people may wonder why im doing this blog for all to see, am i attention seeking? wanting a sympathy vote? Well the answer is no...

My main aim is to raise awareness of cf so that people can understand its evil as they do if it was a cancer, and to help save lives by signing the donor register.

But secondly for myself...
To stick 2 fingers up at the people that wished me dead, said i was a waste of oxygen, said id be doing a lot of people a favor if i just gave up....You nearly killed me, i did give up, but the strength i had eventually pulled me through, and your words of cruelness has made me who i am today...stronger than you will ever be, my life may not be as active as yours but i know im doing what i can, so if i am out in a wheelchair one day i will no longer feel like being invisible, wanting to be faceless, not to be recognised but being proud that i am still alive......