Everest

I have picked up a cold which rapidly headed to my chest causing havoc! i decided to start IVS pronto as i knew if it was left for just a few days it would have got so much worse, ending with me in hospital Well 7 days in to my course my port decided to stop working, another spanner in the works! So off i trek to london to have it looked at. When i arrived i was feeling absolutely terrible i couldnt walk i felt very dizzy like i was going to pass out its was like my legs forgot how to function and i had such deep pain in my chest.
Dad drove me up there as i felt to groggy so he got a wheelchair and wheeled me to the ward where i met my nurse who's face told me how terrible i looked she very quickly checked my oxygen levels and my heart rate...my heart rate was 138, and my oxygen was 83% Awful!! my oxygen are usually ok sitting around the 94% mark but over the last few months they have been getting slightly lower but have never been that low! and as for my heart rate that was beating at a pace of someone who has just ran for miles, when i only walked up 7 steps to the hospital entrance....those 7 steps seem to be my Everest now!

The Dr's want me to go in hospital next weekfor oxygen monitoring to see if i need to use oxygen at home, but im hoping that wont be necessary and the low was just this infection.
I think i know deep down i should not be stopping IVS today, or going to bath at the weekend, and should be going in to hospital but i feel i spend so much time there and CF rules so many aspects of my life that i dont want it to ruin the one thing i have been looking forward to for months. I will feel just as ill in hospital as i would in bath, if not worse as ill be couped up feeling depressed, so in the grand scheme of things i dont think with-holding treatment for a few days will be to bad. I could be wrong but whats the worse that can happen??....How many things can i let CF ruin? How long should i stay stubborn and determined for?
The answer to that is simple...I will continue doing that until my body physically will not let me push.

I know my health is extremely poor at the moment and i am beginning to accept the fact its not going to get much better. My lung function is sitting stubborn in the 30's  and has done for almost a year now, The length of time between hospital admissions is less, i now use a wheelchair on long journeys and day to day jobs are nigh on an impossibility. I cant bend down to put the washing on, or stand up for to long without feeling weak so dont cook much anymore, even bathing myself is something that is getting increasingly difficult, leaving me feeling breathless and in pain. Housework takes twice as long as i have to constantly sit down to catch my breath. But im still trying to make the best of my life as it is and i feel i need this break away, its been a really crap 18 months and i have been in hospital more than i have been at home.
My CF Team are fantastic and understand that all of there patients still need to have some kind of life through ill health, so they did not push me to go in to hospital any sooner than next week, i think they know that mentally its draining so they encourage you to have fun when you can.
Another blip i have to overcome, another 7 steps to walk up, another mountain to climb, my very own Everest......