A young child was diagnosed with with leukemia, the best chance of survival was to find an absolute perfect match to provide her with cord blood, bone marrow and eventually kidneys. The perfect match would have been for the parents to have a 'designed baby' a test tube baby who would provide their existing child with life.
The film mainly based on Anna, the girl who was designed for her sister. She explained that although her sister was primarily the sick one, she too suffered by having blood drawn, bone marrow and kidney transplants for the sake of her sister, she too lived a life of hospital visits because of her sister.
This really got me thinking about my sister and her life having to deal with CF. Although she does not 'suffer' with Cystic Fibrosis and true i do not rely on her in anyway physically to keep me alive, i did and still do require an awful lot of strength and understanding from her mentally, and from a very young age too, before she even knew what was happening to her little sister.
Hospital rooms, corridors, nurses and doctors, for her too was 'normal' Ambulance men in the night, my mum and dads worried and stressed faces as they tried to nurse me. Her life was often as disrupted as mine. If my hospital bag was packed at 3am so was hers, accept hers was being being packed for another overnight stay at my nans house.
Long line, cannula, x-ray, lung function and psuedomonous was as clear in her vocabulary at the age of 5 as was the words toys, playschool and sweets.
She was there at times when my veins needed to accessed, she would try to hold me down with my mum and even come away with fat lips and bleeding noses as i kicked out in vain to avoid the doctors needles, she was a little adult at 7, old before her time having witnessed things to young. But as i say this was 'normal' for us, just another day in the Robinson household..
I will never know at what age she really knew what Cf was and why what was happening to me was actually happening. I do however remember her telling me off for breathing to loudly or coughing if she was listening to her Michael Jackson tapes :D
Im not sure if i will ever be forgiven for telling you what i am about to as it brings my mum to tears everytime it is spoken about, but she once told me and sara of a time i was extremely poorly laying on the living room floor with a temprature of 41 screaming in pain, coughing myself in to a frenzy of heaving and vomiting. She sat on the floor with me and preyed to god to help her, to help me. I was only young, just a few months old, sara still in nappies come up to my mums side in tears, she was told to be quiet and go and sit down, which she did.
After my mum had settled me, how long it took i dont know, she turned to see sara had taken off her own wet nappy left it on the floor and curled up on the sofa and went to sleep. To this day my mum will say she has never got over what had happened and sobbed at the thought of sara being sent away, wet cold and tired. Did sara know at that age my mums attention was split? did she know i was ill? did she feel it was best to stay away?How did she feel being shipped off to my nans house? If i was in hospital my mum stayed with me, my dad worked full time so sara was always to stay with my nan. Did she feel abadonned? neglected? unloved? or did she truly in her soul know what was going on in her surroundings?
Sara is a beautiful soul, we call her a witch as she is very in tune with what is going on, she knows me, how i feel... what i feel! There have been times in recent years when she has been at work and been overwelmed with a panicing feeling to later find out at that exact time on that exact day i was having an attack and was rushed to hospital, There is such a thing as twin intuition, well can there be sister intuition? I truly believe with me and sara there is.
A few years ago i was wheeled out of theatre after having a metal plate inserted in to my chest..(a portacafe) still groggy from anesthetic, hadn't yet opened my eyes and high on pain killers, i managed to open my mouth and mutter the "tell sara to stop crying" I was later told that there is no way i could have seen her as she was behind me as my bed was being wheeled back to my room, i just knew she was crying without opening my eyes, or even being fully alert!
My mum is a strong believer in destiny, path lines, past lives and karma, she has often told her she is on this earth, in this life to care for me, it was her destiny..so if that being true was CF destined for me, was sara destined to be a well person who is caught up in illness...Her life is this way because of my destiny, have i kept her from living a normal life. Have i made her question our parents love and attention for her or does she know its just our destiny's
Was i destined to be my sisters keeper?
Anna was designed and destined to save her sister from cancer... was sara made to save me in a way no doctor can? by providing humor love and understanding. By being my rock and my inspiration, my sister and my best friend...
Is she to 'her sisters keeper'??? ...........
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