As an author of literature, I feel Napoleons words, in some way, should be recognised as insightful and true.
I know I will never, in my eyes, do great things, so I do strive to do small things well. But do people's opinion of great things differ in many ways?
Making old age I won't, that great thing is unachievable, but the small things I do along the way I hope are great.
The love I show for my friends and family are great, as is my gratitude for their care.
The respect I show for my healthcare team is great.
But I fear my life achievements are not in there selves great. I know many things I'd like to do are limited, my high flying career as a doctor unfortunately will never happen, I would pose to much of an infection risk to patients, as they would me.
Travelling through Europe, isn't what I would call an impossibility, but the sheer spontaneity of my illness would make it extremely difficult, not to mention the cost of insurance as an oxygen user.
Having children, again not an impossibility but before transplantation of my lungs would be unbelievably reckless and irresponsible, not to mention selfish, as my longing to be a parent could possibly leave a young baby and and boyfriend without me.
These are what I call 'great things' achievements....normality.
I'm very optimistic that I will find a donor when my time comes, and even more optimistic that I will recover well. I am also realistic, so would not go in to this procedure not knowing the risks and difficulty of it, mentally and physically, but without optimism, without hope, where would we be.
Untill I'm post transplant I know I need to keep my plans on the back burner and concentrate on the now....the smaller things.... Maintaining my current health of 32% lung function, by continuing with hospital admissions, the medications, inhalers, nebulisers, increased calorie intake, oxygen & physio. A small price to pay for health and happiness.
I feel I have a great life, I have my home, my friends, family & partner. I'm very lucky to have the support network that i do, which I know many people don't, I have never gone without things (other than a little oxygen and lung function) ;)
But I am happy, more than happy. I feel lucky and appreciated and most of all loved.
Maybe all these small things, are infact, some of life's greatest things.
Maybe great is just how you perceive it?.......